I’m doing my utmost to leave my manuscript alone for four weeks before beginning the re-read. (I have until mid-May before I have permission to read it again). I thought the break would be a good opportunity to work on short stories for award and magazine submissions, but I’ve been drawing a blank. There are ideas – illusive, hovering just out of reach – but they aren’t sturdy enough to carry a plot. Not yet, anyway.
I can’t tell if I’m procrastinating or if I’m taking a healthy break (my husband believes the latter, and I’m inclined to believe him). However as any writer can attest, any day spent not writing is usually shadowed by a feeling of shame. I’ve been practising the art of letting myself off the hook.
On reading
I’m back to regular reading (or trying to), with my latest library hold The Book of Witches by John Strahan, a global anthology exploring (you guessed it) the glorious witch, in all her forms.
In the last six months I’ve purchased many beautiful books which have gone straight to my bookshelf, and which I’m now determined to read. They include Impossible Creatures by Katherine Rundell, The Left Hand of Darkness by Ursula K. La Guin, A Thousand Ships by Natalie Haynes … and that’s barely scratching the surface. Other books waiting for me, which I’m determined to read this year, include The Sitter by Angela O’Keeffe, Queens of Animation by Nathalia Holt and After the Forest by Kell Woods. You get the picture. There are so many.
Archive
Lately I’ve been thinking about this blog. I’ve been writing here for nearly ten years. I think if I told my 2016 self that I would still be working on ‘the next book’ in 2024 (without a publishing contract), I would have been bitterly disappointed. I might have even considered giving up… but probably not. Maybe on a bad day. It’s easy to get discouraged along the way.
Back then, I thought of myself as a farmer, planting seeds that would one day grow and reward me. I had no idea that I wasn’t the farmer but the tree.
I have improved greatly as a writer in the last 8 years. I can see the marks of growth, the signals of success. My first writing prize, my writing group solidifying into firm friendships, seeing my name in print for the first time. If you’ll indulge my tree metaphor a little longer, I can feel it. Like a tree, my roots are networking farther, my skin is a little thicker, my branches reach a little higher. More than just skill, I’m willing to experiment, to let people read my work, to talk about writing but (better still) to sit down and write. I can both withstand the weather and use it to my advantage. I can stand on my own and be seen. I can say, ‘I’m an emerging writer,’ and leave my mask at the door.
When I look back, I understand why I didn’t have publishing success in 2016/2017/2018 (and how, without wishing to sound contemptuous, this was for the best). I can’t yet look ‘back’ on 2024, but I’m sure that when I am able to, today will fall into new context.
The softening of time will show my writing journey for what it is, hindsight and all. I’ll still be here. The tree that won’t stop growing.